I think of so many things
and it bugs me cause I cannot sleep.
Things on my mind before I sleep:
- I wonder what Kelly's doing right now
- Why did Joe tell me to call Amber a princess?
- I wonder what celebrities do all day long
- This week is going to suck
- Being single isn't too bad
- I like to eat crackers
- Elephantiasis.. ew
- Valentine's day :/ ugh
- I'm sleepy
so g'night world.
sleep tight
<3
Sunday, January 27, 2008
Wednesday, January 23, 2008
I found the real reason why I'm scared
I think I'll make the same mistakes
so I turn and run before I have the chance.
Thank you Coldplay. <3
so I turn and run before I have the chance.
Thank you Coldplay. <3
Relationships
Status: Single
Why?: I really need to figure that out.
To me, it is really hard for me to find a guy and stay with him or for him to stay with me. I'm not the best at relationships, but I believe that the next person I'm with, I'll be the best girlfriend possible. I barely learn from my mistakes, but this time I know I have to learn from them in order to make things right. I really do suck at relationships. I guess I get scared? People always ask me what I mean by that, and I can never describe it, but I think I finally figured out what "scared" means:
Rejection. I'm scared of going into a relationship and later being dumped. I hate being rejected. I feel that if I'm not good enough for one person, then I'm not good enough for anyone else. That mindset will always stick with me
Cheating. I'm also scared of being cheated on. It has happened to me before and it is one of the worst feelings ever. Once again, I feel as I'm not good enough for that one person. The guy that cheated on me before, cheated on me with one of my friends. This friend was ugly, fat, and manly. I kept questioning myself "Why her?", "Am I not better than her?", "What makes her so great?". I finally came to a conclusion. This guy was thinking with his dick and not his brain. It was all about the boobs. Hah anyways, I got a bit sidetracked there. Anyways, cheaters piss me off the worst. They make me feel as if I'm not the best and they bring my self esteem down to rock bottom.
Honesty & Trust. I always wonder if guys are completely honest with me. I'm not too good at taking compliments. The only compliment I do agree with is that my butt is nice. :D But seriously. I really cannot trust a guy and what he says. I always think he's lying to make me feel good about myself and to make me think that he really does like me. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm single. I can't trust and I can't believe people easily
Those 3 words. The thing that scares me the most though are those 3 words. 3 words that are so little but have a great impact. 3 words that you either accept, falsely accept, or reject. With my last real boyfriend I falsely accepted those words. I couldn't decide if I was ready or not to return the statement, but I did anyways to keep him with me. I believe that you cannot love someone within a 2 months relationship. To some people you can, but to me you really cannot. I feel that sometimes people just say those 3 words to make you feel good about the relationship. I feel as if they just say those words to keep you in the relationship longer. Those 3 words can make up relationships but they can also tear one down. I do believe in love but i have a question... Do you really love me or do you lust me?
I need to find someone who can make me not scared.
I need to find someone who can change my mind about relationships.
I need to find someone who will look past my flaws to see that I'm beautiful no matter what.
I need to find someone who truly will love me.
Why?: I really need to figure that out.
To me, it is really hard for me to find a guy and stay with him or for him to stay with me. I'm not the best at relationships, but I believe that the next person I'm with, I'll be the best girlfriend possible. I barely learn from my mistakes, but this time I know I have to learn from them in order to make things right. I really do suck at relationships. I guess I get scared? People always ask me what I mean by that, and I can never describe it, but I think I finally figured out what "scared" means:
Rejection. I'm scared of going into a relationship and later being dumped. I hate being rejected. I feel that if I'm not good enough for one person, then I'm not good enough for anyone else. That mindset will always stick with me
Cheating. I'm also scared of being cheated on. It has happened to me before and it is one of the worst feelings ever. Once again, I feel as I'm not good enough for that one person. The guy that cheated on me before, cheated on me with one of my friends. This friend was ugly, fat, and manly. I kept questioning myself "Why her?", "Am I not better than her?", "What makes her so great?". I finally came to a conclusion. This guy was thinking with his dick and not his brain. It was all about the boobs. Hah anyways, I got a bit sidetracked there. Anyways, cheaters piss me off the worst. They make me feel as if I'm not the best and they bring my self esteem down to rock bottom.
Honesty & Trust. I always wonder if guys are completely honest with me. I'm not too good at taking compliments. The only compliment I do agree with is that my butt is nice. :D But seriously. I really cannot trust a guy and what he says. I always think he's lying to make me feel good about myself and to make me think that he really does like me. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm single. I can't trust and I can't believe people easily
Those 3 words. The thing that scares me the most though are those 3 words. 3 words that are so little but have a great impact. 3 words that you either accept, falsely accept, or reject. With my last real boyfriend I falsely accepted those words. I couldn't decide if I was ready or not to return the statement, but I did anyways to keep him with me. I believe that you cannot love someone within a 2 months relationship. To some people you can, but to me you really cannot. I feel that sometimes people just say those 3 words to make you feel good about the relationship. I feel as if they just say those words to keep you in the relationship longer. Those 3 words can make up relationships but they can also tear one down. I do believe in love but i have a question... Do you really love me or do you lust me?
I need to find someone who can make me not scared.
I need to find someone who can change my mind about relationships.
I need to find someone who will look past my flaws to see that I'm beautiful no matter what.
I need to find someone who truly will love me.
Monday, January 21, 2008
2nd Post
Kso hi.
This weekend has been pretty good.
I was actually surprised it was good since the rest of my week sucked...
well Friday was pretty decent at least.
Friday. Wake up dreading to go to school, but I have to since I missed the day before. I go to my first block which seemed to take FOREVER as well as my second block. When 3rd block, Spanish 2 Honors, came around I was so excited. Spanish is one of my favorite classes because I have a ton of my friends in that class. It's sad though because Spanish went by quickly. 4th block was P.E. and that was somewhat fun as usual. I was put on the best hockey team so I was excited. :D We had a pep rally that afternoon which totally sucked, just like every single one before that. After school, me and some of my closest friends (but missing 2 others) went to Mellow Mushroom and just got to talk and hang out. My dad picked me up and I went home and got ready for the basketball game that night. Well I'm not going to go into anymore details of what happened with that... let's just say that I perhaps got sick because of something I did.
Saturday. I was supposed to go on a retreat for church but due to snow it was canceled. You have no idea how happy I was. I got dressed quickly and went outside to take some pictures.
Yes, I have no life. :P Later on I invited some friends up and we just chilled out in the snow for a bit until we got bored. We headed inside my house to play Wii and such for a couple of hours. Once 2 of my friends left, my neighbor and I went over to her house to watch a movie. We watched the new Bring It On which wasn't that great, but it was pretty good I guess. I came home that night to be surprised by someone I haven't talked to forever on Stickam. Yep, I have a webcam. Prove to you that I have no life yet? I talked until really late at night with him and a couple of friends I have met on there as well. I finally went to bed and was not looking forward to Sunday.
Sunday. I wake up and get ready to go to church. Yay fun stuff. Church was chill I guess. I had a few friends who made it fun. After that I get home and talk on the phone with Kelly, my future husband, and Chay. Yeahh they are my webcam buddies. :D Anyways, we hung up for a while and Kelly called me back. We talked for 202 minutes which is going to make my phone bill go through the roof because my friend Niki talked to her boyfriend for 4 hours I think..? But yeah, that was long distance and it's totally going to kill me. :/ I finally went to bed after talking to Kelly and people on Stickam.
Today (Monday). I wake up and feel like complete and total shit. I get strep a lot. Probably 6 to 8 times a year. I'm pretty sure that I have strep currently. My mom made me an appointment so I just want to go to that and get it over with. Tomorrow is soccer tryouts and I cannot miss that, because being a manager for the team you HAVE to be there. Ugh. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Maybe I should just live in a bubble or something from now on. It's supposed to snow tonight. I really hope it does. I need another day off to myself.
Tomorrow starts up another school week.
I just hope it isn't as bad as the week before.
Cross your fingers and hope for me please.
:D
Is it wrong to like someone that you've never met?
This weekend has been pretty good.
I was actually surprised it was good since the rest of my week sucked...
well Friday was pretty decent at least.
Friday. Wake up dreading to go to school, but I have to since I missed the day before. I go to my first block which seemed to take FOREVER as well as my second block. When 3rd block, Spanish 2 Honors, came around I was so excited. Spanish is one of my favorite classes because I have a ton of my friends in that class. It's sad though because Spanish went by quickly. 4th block was P.E. and that was somewhat fun as usual. I was put on the best hockey team so I was excited. :D We had a pep rally that afternoon which totally sucked, just like every single one before that. After school, me and some of my closest friends (but missing 2 others) went to Mellow Mushroom and just got to talk and hang out. My dad picked me up and I went home and got ready for the basketball game that night. Well I'm not going to go into anymore details of what happened with that... let's just say that I perhaps got sick because of something I did.
Saturday. I was supposed to go on a retreat for church but due to snow it was canceled. You have no idea how happy I was. I got dressed quickly and went outside to take some pictures.
Yes, I have no life. :P Later on I invited some friends up and we just chilled out in the snow for a bit until we got bored. We headed inside my house to play Wii and such for a couple of hours. Once 2 of my friends left, my neighbor and I went over to her house to watch a movie. We watched the new Bring It On which wasn't that great, but it was pretty good I guess. I came home that night to be surprised by someone I haven't talked to forever on Stickam. Yep, I have a webcam. Prove to you that I have no life yet? I talked until really late at night with him and a couple of friends I have met on there as well. I finally went to bed and was not looking forward to Sunday.Sunday. I wake up and get ready to go to church. Yay fun stuff. Church was chill I guess. I had a few friends who made it fun. After that I get home and talk on the phone with Kelly, my future husband, and Chay. Yeahh they are my webcam buddies. :D Anyways, we hung up for a while and Kelly called me back. We talked for 202 minutes which is going to make my phone bill go through the roof because my friend Niki talked to her boyfriend for 4 hours I think..? But yeah, that was long distance and it's totally going to kill me. :/ I finally went to bed after talking to Kelly and people on Stickam.
Today (Monday). I wake up and feel like complete and total shit. I get strep a lot. Probably 6 to 8 times a year. I'm pretty sure that I have strep currently. My mom made me an appointment so I just want to go to that and get it over with. Tomorrow is soccer tryouts and I cannot miss that, because being a manager for the team you HAVE to be there. Ugh. I don't know what I'm going to do with myself. Maybe I should just live in a bubble or something from now on. It's supposed to snow tonight. I really hope it does. I need another day off to myself.
Tomorrow starts up another school week.
I just hope it isn't as bad as the week before.
Cross your fingers and hope for me please.
:D
Is it wrong to like someone that you've never met?
Thursday, January 17, 2008
1st Post
Expressing your mind just helps you feel better.
I don't know how that works, but it's amazing that it does.
Things lately have been not so great.
This week has been shit and just keeps getting worse.
From school to guys, I just can never get things right.
Snow. Yesterday there was snow. About 2 inches. GEORGIA NEVER EVER GETS SNOW. I got all excited and then realized that I had a project to do. Thinking that my project will turn out alright, [cause it did look good on the computer] it turned out to look like crap. 2 HOURS OF WORKING ON A PROJECT TO LOOK LIKE SHIT: WORTHLESSSSSSSSS. I didn't get a chance to go outside with my friends and enjoy the snow. I was stuck inside working on a project that is B material. Hoping that there would be no school the next day.. there totally was. Thank goodness I have cool parents who let me skip.
Guys. I hate guys. I can never seem to find one that wants me, can make up his mind, and etc.
School. School is already getting on my fucking nerves. Today I skipped not thinking about the consequences to my actions. I missed picking a topic for my research paper which means I'll be stuck with some shitty one where I won't be able to find any research on it. I missed choreography in dance which means I have A LOT to catch up on. I also missed going over my chemistry lab which is not good at all. Geometry can lick my coochie as well as all my other classes. I strive to do well in school and I want to make all As, I really do.
There is just so much going on in my life and not many good things to look at.
Being grounded doesn't make things much easier. :[
I'll do my best to update this.
Most of these will be rants.
I love to get EVERYTHING off my chest.
I don't know how that works, but it's amazing that it does.
Things lately have been not so great.
This week has been shit and just keeps getting worse.
From school to guys, I just can never get things right.
Snow. Yesterday there was snow. About 2 inches. GEORGIA NEVER EVER GETS SNOW. I got all excited and then realized that I had a project to do. Thinking that my project will turn out alright, [cause it did look good on the computer] it turned out to look like crap. 2 HOURS OF WORKING ON A PROJECT TO LOOK LIKE SHIT: WORTHLESSSSSSSSS. I didn't get a chance to go outside with my friends and enjoy the snow. I was stuck inside working on a project that is B material. Hoping that there would be no school the next day.. there totally was. Thank goodness I have cool parents who let me skip.
Guys. I hate guys. I can never seem to find one that wants me, can make up his mind, and etc.
School. School is already getting on my fucking nerves. Today I skipped not thinking about the consequences to my actions. I missed picking a topic for my research paper which means I'll be stuck with some shitty one where I won't be able to find any research on it. I missed choreography in dance which means I have A LOT to catch up on. I also missed going over my chemistry lab which is not good at all. Geometry can lick my coochie as well as all my other classes. I strive to do well in school and I want to make all As, I really do.
There is just so much going on in my life and not many good things to look at.
Being grounded doesn't make things much easier. :[
I'll do my best to update this.
Most of these will be rants.
I love to get EVERYTHING off my chest.
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