Relationships

Status: Single
Why?: I really need to figure that out.

To me, it is really hard for me to find a guy and stay with him or for him to stay with me. I'm not the best at relationships, but I believe that the next person I'm with, I'll be the best girlfriend possible. I barely learn from my mistakes, but this time I know I have to learn from them in order to make things right. I really do suck at relationships. I guess I get scared? People always ask me what I mean by that, and I can never describe it, but I think I finally figured out what "scared" means:

Rejection. I'm scared of going into a relationship and later being dumped. I hate being rejected. I feel that if I'm not good enough for one person, then I'm not good enough for anyone else. That mindset will always stick with me

Cheating. I'm also scared of being cheated on. It has happened to me before and it is one of the worst feelings ever. Once again, I feel as I'm not good enough for that one person. The guy that cheated on me before, cheated on me with one of my friends. This friend was ugly, fat, and manly. I kept questioning myself "Why her?", "Am I not better than her?", "What makes her so great?". I finally came to a conclusion. This guy was thinking with his dick and not his brain. It was all about the boobs. Hah anyways, I got a bit sidetracked there. Anyways, cheaters piss me off the worst. They make me feel as if I'm not the best and they bring my self esteem down to rock bottom.

Honesty & Trust. I always wonder if guys are completely honest with me. I'm not too good at taking compliments. The only compliment I do agree with is that my butt is nice. :D But seriously. I really cannot trust a guy and what he says. I always think he's lying to make me feel good about myself and to make me think that he really does like me. I guess that's one of the reasons I'm single. I can't trust and I can't believe people easily

Those 3 words. The thing that scares me the most though are those 3 words. 3 words that are so little but have a great impact. 3 words that you either accept, falsely accept, or reject. With my last real boyfriend I falsely accepted those words. I couldn't decide if I was ready or not to return the statement, but I did anyways to keep him with me. I believe that you cannot love someone within a 2 months relationship. To some people you can, but to me you really cannot. I feel that sometimes people just say those 3 words to make you feel good about the relationship. I feel as if they just say those words to keep you in the relationship longer. Those 3 words can make up relationships but they can also tear one down. I do believe in love but i have a question... Do you really love me or do you lust me?

I need to find someone who can make me not scared.
I need to find someone who can change my mind about relationships.
I need to find someone who will look past my flaws to see that I'm beautiful no matter what.
I need to find someone who truly will love me.